The Emoji Movie: DVD Review

The Emoji Movie: DVD Review

In theory, it's easy to understand why The Emoji Movie has been hailed as the second cimematic coming of the Anti-Christ.

Set inside a smart phone and with a plethora of product placement (Spotify, Katy Perry, Instagram) it's fair to say that perhaps the film's vision is more on the merchandise than the execution of the story.

Talking of which, The Emoji Movie centres on Meh emoji Gene (voiced with usual laconic deadpan by former Silicon Valley star TJ Miller) who's eager to impress on the first day on the job.

Gene is one of those who lives in Textopolis, a digital city inside their user Alex's phone. Despite being pigeonholed as a Meh, he can make plenty of other faces and frequently does so.

But by breaking out his panicked faces when Alex chooses to send his crush an emoji, Gene threatens the future of Textopolis as Alex plans to wipe his phone.

Facing persecution as a malfunction by the ruthless smiler icon (Rudolph), Gene begins a journey of discovery across the phone to ensure his future survival.

It's easy to be cynical about The Emoji Movie, a corporate by-the-numbers animation that reeks more of potential downloads than sizzling script or witty moments.

In fairness, it's actually a solid animation that squanders both its Inside Out bastardisation and its chance to mock and meta-comment on its premise.

However, there are a few moments which garner laughs.

From the mocking the elderly emoticons to ripping in to Facebook's popularity algorithm, there are some moments which really engender you to the film, but ultimately leave you wishing it could have been much more subversive than it actually is.

But that's the problem with The Emoji Movie - its tone is so bland that despite the solid animated work and the great voice cast (James Corden as the formerly popular Hi-5 emoji brings much energy and chutzpah to the digital table and it's a thrill to hear Steven Wright's weary tones on the screen as Gene's father), nothing ever really soars as it should and many scenes end in flatness.

Piling on product placement like Candy Crush and Just Dance does nothing to endear the film too - and while youngsters may get a sugar rush from the overload of products and apps that they force their parents to buy, it's hard to justify any reaction other than that of Gene's stock and trade to the Emoji Movie.

Meh. 

Terminator 2: Ultra HD BLu Ray Review

Terminator 2: Ultra HD BLu Ray Review

26 years ago, one blockbuster film set the pace for sci-fi action.

With packed out midnight screenings, Terminator 2: Judgment Day was one of the earlier highly anticipated event films of its time.

So James Cameron's dusted it down, given it a polish and added in some 3D to ensure it's fit for the 2017 market place.

There can't be many who don't know the film's gritty details, so there's no time to be wasted here with those.

Instead, suffice it to say while the film looks dated by today's standards in its ILM FX, there's no disputing the fact the Cameron helmed movie is still one hell of a juggernaut of action and humour.
Schwarzenegger hits all the right notes, and while Furlong's debut still seems as wonky as it was at the time, the overall pace and the story-telling is still top notch.

In terms of the 3D it's not done for gimmicky effect, preferring instead to be used to add depth to some of the chase sequences but not to the detriment of the original's pace and narrative.
An early sequence with the truck chase with Patrick's T-1000 chasing down Furlong's John Connor on a bike is exceptional, both in action and execution - and the 3D adds the necessary depth to the frenetic freeway action behind them.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day 3D is no quick cash in on the FX front, it's an enhancement to one fo the greatest sci-fi action films of all time. And given it's here for a good time, not a long time, you definitely need to be back for it. 

Watch: The arrival of the Thirteenth Doctor

Watch: The arrival of the Thirteenth Doctor

Peter Capaldi aka The 12th Doctor Who has vacated the TARDIS.

In the Christmas special, Twice Upon a Time, Peter Capaldi's Time Lord chose to regenerate after initially refusing. And after guiding the First Doctor (David Bradley) onto his first regeneration after the climactic events of The Tenth Planet.

After a powerful speech and monlogue urging above all to be kind, Peter Capaldi's Twelfth Doctor was gone, in a blast of regeneration energy.

Then, with a simple "Oh, brilliant" heralding the arrival of Jodie Whittaker's Thirteenth Time Lord, it was on to pastures anew.

Watch the Twelfth Doctor's farewell speech and the arrival of Jodie Whittaker as Doctor Who, including the new Doctor Who's first words below.

The Twelfth Doctor's monologue -

"Oh there it is. Silly old universe. The more I save it, the more it needs saving. It's a treadmill.

"Yes, Yes I know they'll get it all wrong without me. Well I suppose one more lifetime won't kill anyone. Well, except me.

"You wait a moment, Doctor. Let's get it right. I've got a few things to say to you. Basic stuff first. Never be cruel never be cowardly, and never ever ever eat pears.

"Remember, hate is always foolish and love is always wise. Always try to be nice but never fail to be kind, oh and you mustn't tell anyone your name - no-one would understand it anyway.

Except children, children can hear it, sometimes if their hearts are in the right place and the stars are too, children can hear your name - but nobody else, nobody else, ever.

"Love hard, run fast, be kind. Doctor, I let you go."

Breathe: Film Review

Breathe: Film Review

Cast: Andrew Garfield, Claire Foy, Tom Hollander, Hugh Bonneville, Stephen Mangan
Director: Andy Serkis

It would possibly have benefited first time director Andy Serkis to have taken potentially another subject for his debut.

The wannabe inspirational true story of Robin Cavendish (played by Andrew Garfield) is perhaps a little too close to home for Serkis, whose friend Jonathan Cavendish is the producer of this film.

But then perhaps, there may not have been as much empathy and tenderness in parts of this deeply sanitised biography (and almost hagiography) of Cavendish, who was left paralysed by polio in Africa in the late 50s.

Against all medical advice, his loving wife Diana (The Crown star Claire Foy) drags him out of the clinic, respirator and all, to give him a shot at living in his trapped condition. Defying the odds, and with plenty of homecare, Cavendish begins to live a life again - and sets out changing conditions for others suffering a similar condition.

Intended as inspirational is no bad thing, and certainly swathes of this mix the humour of French hit The Intouchables with a sort of British stiff upper lip cum don't let the biggers grind you down ethos that in parts it's hard not to get swept along with.

Foy is the dazzling diamond of the piece - and the film's title Breathe, as well as referring to the necessity of Cavendish's condition could also refer to the life breathed into him by one woman's unswerving devotion and belief. Equally, Garfield, along with plummy English accent and confined for parts of the film to act with nothing but facials and head nodding manages to imbue Cavendish with both understandable frustration and desperation as the depression sets in.

Serkis keeps things light, starting the film with a dizzying meeting, courtship and marriage of Diana and Robin which sets the pace. Along with a dual role for Rev star Tom Hollander, there's plenty of breezy laughs and 40s style Englishness to just about keep the twee from rotting your cinematic teeth.

Along with some top down shots, Serkis keeps the tone going and the atmosphere jovial.

But when the inevitable darkness calls, that's half the problem with Breathe.really starts to become noticeable.

It's very much a sanitised view of what a life-changing condition can do to those involved and Serkis relies on the japes of the darker moments to make it all feel slighter than it should. At 2 hours, there's no arguing that a maudlin and depressing feel could turn Breathe into a slog, but by going too far the other way (perhaps at the insistence of the producer and with his personal history to the subject), the film's levity becomes its undoing and the triumph is battered by a beautific desire to simply be English about it and laugh it all off.

Ultimately, Breathe may be a film about the human possibility and of endurance, but it's also won that sacrifices its smaller moments for a mish-mash of tone, even choosing to throw a right-to-die debate into the mix in its death throes.

All in all, Breathe's fallacies are greater than what unfortunately its lead actors bring to the table - and while its intentions are good and true, its cloying sentimentality and desire to breeze over reality ironically finds the film narratively gasping for breath.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Another year passes and it's time to wish you all a Merry Christmas.

Thanks for the support of this website again this year - and here's to 2018!

The most exciting thing ahead?

Twice Upon A Time - for Doctor Who.

In which we bid farewell to Peter Capaldi's 12th Doctor and welcome in Jodie Whittaker as Doctor No 13!

Have a wonderful time with family and friends - in all the craziness of the season, this is actually all that matters, so relish it.

See you in 2018!

Kingsman: The Golden Circle: DVD Review

Kingsman: The Golden Circle: DVD Review

If the first Kingsman movie was a scrappy, yet amiable, wish fulfillment piece about a working class oik who's inducted into the spy world and saves the day, then the sequel Kingsman: The Golden Circle is a bloated, blustering bombastic pastiche spy movie that almost squanders the love you had for the first.

This time around, Eggsy (a charming yet still ruffian round the edges Taron Egerton) is back and facing more peril after the secret Kingsman organisation he works for is blown off the face of the earth by a Martha Stewart 50s-loving drug lord Poppy (a strong turn from Julianne Moore, who pitches the film more on welcome eccentric villainy than ham).

Forced to team up with the US branch, the Statesman, and with a surprise face back from the past, Eggsy and Merlin (the ever reliable and impressive Mark Strong) look to tackle the threat.

Over-long and with a midway lag that very nearly derails proceedings, Kingsman: The Golden Circle feels more like a mix of elements rather than the rip-roaring narrative success the first film was.

While Egerton's rougher edges and charm add elements of charisma, the decision to pair them up with American counterparts leaves a little to be desired, given the film's refusal to do much more with it than initially flirt with the idea.

It's a shame, because Channing Tatum's cowboy Agent Tequila has some real comedic and dramatic potential for the movie - but he's sidelined early on in a move which makes you wonder if someone didn't add the budget up correctly and couldn't cover his fee. (Mind you, all the American counterparts barely register longer than a few moments of screen time.)

Thankfully Pedro Pascal (Narcos) steps in nicely as Agent Whiskey and adds a frisson of charisma that's needed - but bizarrely, the US UK relations side of Kingsman: The Golden Circle feels like a goldmine sadly left undiscovered.

As the film kicks off with its bloodless CGI-charged chase antics, it's clear bluster is the order of the day, and while the overly frenetic and quick blitz editing in the fight sequences impress, they're barely a patch away from what was rolled out during the Kingsman: The Secret Service film.

In truth, parts of Kingsman: The Golden Circle feel like a go-around and do over of the first, so if you enjoyed the puerile hyper-violent edges of the first one, it's more than likely there's plenty to enjoy here.

It's very much a case of more-is-more with Vaughn piling on the pedal and focussing less on the character more on the action.

A mountain sequence is redolent of The Spy Who Loved Me and the globe-trotting antics feel piled on, and while the overload is threatening at times, there are moments and characters within that work extremely well.

Moore makes for a good villainess, Strong is debonair any time he appears oozing charm with ease, Pascal's lasso-wielding cowboy contrasts nicely with the stiff British upper lip and Firth's dialled down turn adds an edge but strangely feels narratively robbed of any kind of need for inclusion.

(Not so for Elton John, whose appearance initially is an amusing punchline to a gag no-one expected, but whose foul-mouthed tirades irritate the more screen time he's given.)

At times, it feels like the kind of Bond film that Alan Partridge would make - stuffed full of elements, smut and action, a no-place-for-women other than as objects vibe and with less judicious editing than is necessary to guarantee a tight lean experience.

Ultimately, Kingsman: The Golden Circle has moments of exhiliration, but feels a little too in love with itself to remain objective enough to know when to stop.

The worst films of 2017

The worst films of 2017

Much like the cream of the crop, there were some real stinkers of films this year.

Depressingly, most were sequels or franchise entrants, or films which failed to add anything exciting or new to the world of cinema.

Here are, without a doubt, the worst films of 2017.
Again, in no particular order, but all would share the top spot of crapola if it were allowed.

Rings - "The Hex files returns in the second sequel to the 2002 American horror that was a remake of 1998 Japanese scare fright. But, quite frankly, with a run time of nearly 2 hours and nary a scare at all, its return is hardly warranted."

Why Him? - " Why Him? ends up being a lazy, unfunny comedy that misses the mark so often and drags that the only nagging thought you're left with as you leave the cinema, is a resounding "Why me?"

The Mummy - "Based on The Mummy, it has to be said that Universal's plan for a Dark Universe monsters series is off to a shaky start, and unlike its titular baddie, may struggle to rise from the grave."

The Dark Tower -"With voiceover and dour execution, The Dark Tower is nothing short of generic, yet somehow muddled."

Fist Fight - "That it takes 75 minutes of the 90 minute comedy Fist Fight to elicit a belly laugh is a sad state of affairs. And that its laugh comes courtesy of a rehash of Little Miss Sunshine's inappropriate talent show is to further damn this knuckle-head comedy that purports bare knuckle fighting is any way to solve conflict."

Elsewhere, there were still other stinkers.

Gary of Pacific - A film so woefully unfunny, it somehow managed to make a trip to a Pacific Island feel like a terrible case of Delhi-belly.

Despicable Me 3 - A triplicate that was as yellow round the gills as its minions.

Baywatch - Always thought the beach was supposed to be a fun day out, Baywatch was not a fun day out.

The Emoji Movie - "Meh"

Chips - Should have been strangled at script birth.

Jigsaw - "Do you want to play a game?" Based on this, not a hope in hell, thanks.

Pirates of The Caribbean - Dead Men Tell No tales - Lucky dead men, many of us will live on to tell the tale of this horror.

Claire's Camera - Cameras are defunct now and this festival film needs to be digitally erased.

The Stolen - The only thing stolen was 90 minutes of the audience's time.

Daddy's Home 2 - Please, Will Ferrell, stop making movies. Until you're funny again.

Geostorm - Sadly the sub-par FX were still the best thing in this disaster movie, that thought it was Armageddon x The Weather.

A Kiwi Christmas - Robbing the joy of the festive season, this wannabe family fare was much like a Christmas family gathering - excruciating, painful and goes on too long.