Sunday, 24 December 2017

The worst films of 2017

The worst films of 2017

Much like the cream of the crop, there were some real stinkers of films this year.

Depressingly, most were sequels or franchise entrants, or films which failed to add anything exciting or new to the world of cinema.

Here are, without a doubt, the worst films of 2017.
Again, in no particular order, but all would share the top spot of crapola if it were allowed.

Rings - "The Hex files returns in the second sequel to the 2002 American horror that was a remake of 1998 Japanese scare fright. But, quite frankly, with a run time of nearly 2 hours and nary a scare at all, its return is hardly warranted."

Why Him? - " Why Him? ends up being a lazy, unfunny comedy that misses the mark so often and drags that the only nagging thought you're left with as you leave the cinema, is a resounding "Why me?"

The Mummy - "Based on The Mummy, it has to be said that Universal's plan for a Dark Universe monsters series is off to a shaky start, and unlike its titular baddie, may struggle to rise from the grave."

The Dark Tower -"With voiceover and dour execution, The Dark Tower is nothing short of generic, yet somehow muddled."

Fist Fight - "That it takes 75 minutes of the 90 minute comedy Fist Fight to elicit a belly laugh is a sad state of affairs. And that its laugh comes courtesy of a rehash of Little Miss Sunshine's inappropriate talent show is to further damn this knuckle-head comedy that purports bare knuckle fighting is any way to solve conflict."

Elsewhere, there were still other stinkers.

Gary of Pacific - A film so woefully unfunny, it somehow managed to make a trip to a Pacific Island feel like a terrible case of Delhi-belly.

Despicable Me 3 - A triplicate that was as yellow round the gills as its minions.

Baywatch - Always thought the beach was supposed to be a fun day out, Baywatch was not a fun day out.

The Emoji Movie - "Meh"

Chips - Should have been strangled at script birth.

Jigsaw - "Do you want to play a game?" Based on this, not a hope in hell, thanks.

Pirates of The Caribbean - Dead Men Tell No tales - Lucky dead men, many of us will live on to tell the tale of this horror.

Claire's Camera - Cameras are defunct now and this festival film needs to be digitally erased.

The Stolen - The only thing stolen was 90 minutes of the audience's time.

Daddy's Home 2 - Please, Will Ferrell, stop making movies. Until you're funny again.

Geostorm - Sadly the sub-par FX were still the best thing in this disaster movie, that thought it was Armageddon x The Weather.

A Kiwi Christmas - Robbing the joy of the festive season, this wannabe family fare was much like a Christmas family gathering - excruciating, painful and goes on too long.

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