Snake Eyes: GI Joe Origins: Film Review

Cast: Henry Golding, Andrew Koji, Samara Weaving, Iko Uwais

Director: Robert Schwentke

Snake Eyes: GI Joe Origins is not the kind of film that really commits to anything.

Bloodless despite katana being wielded and plenty of people being sliced or shot in the head, the film's inherent desire to neither be fish nor fowl means it does a huge disservice to both its scowling lead Henry Golding and the toyline it clearly exists to promote.

The story begins with the younger version of Golding's Snake Eyes witnessing the death of his father at the hands of an unknown killer. Vowing vengeance for the murder, Snake finds himself mixed up in the world of the Yakuza years later, working to get scraps of information where his father's killer could be.

But caught in the clash of warring Japanese clans, Snake finds a new family with Andrew Koji's Tommy who takes him under his wing after he saves him. However, Snake Eyes finds himself questioning loyalty and family on his journey to vengeance.

Snake Eyes: GI Joe Origins is so stultifyingly dull throughout that it makes it hard to care about any of the proceedings.

Golding scowls and growls his way through some choppily-edited action sequences and what little cliched  dialogue there is in the first place. He may have charisma a-plenty in Crazy Rich Asians, but RIPD director Schwentke knows that it isn't what's needed here and suppresses any of that throughout.

Murky action sequences and dour atmospherics do little to enhance the Snake Eyes experience, and while the film finally feels like it comes alive in the last 20 minutes, you're left wondering why you should even bother to invest this late in the day. Throw in the arrival of GI Joe's Scarlett (played with gusto by Samara Weaving), a COBRA conspiracy and hints of the groundwork being laid for a sequel, and it's clear the film could have done with a harder edge and a tighter script to steer things through its 2 hour run time.

It's not aided by some utterly laughable CGI anacondas that even Jon Voight would have trouble mustering the energy to sneer at - there's just no panache to be had in anything happening here. And any film that utterly squanders the skills of Iko Uwais' martial arts prowess, as is done here, is utterly disgraceful.

It's hard to believe GI Joe fans will be wowed by this origins tale given how Snake Eyes spends the entire film with his face visible and his voice audible - the chances of a sequel feel slim as fans and non-fans will feel massively short-changed by it all.

A severe waste of two hours of your life, Snake Eyes: GI Joe Origins may be an attempt to reboot the GI Joe franchise, but this turgid, lifeless attempt at an "action movie" fails utterly, totally and miserably.